Financial problems that beset me~sad

~~~MONDAY___21.39

Being a teenager is fun ~there is no doubt about it. However it would be more fun if i had more money to spend on the many attractions that are dangled in front of me.. Teenagers do not have steady jobs. So unless one has a rich generous parent or relative, money is not easy to come by. I live on my our pocket money or whatever i can earn doing part time jobs. Haiz~during sem break, mostly will go to KL work again..but this time ah wing will acc me...we will work togather.

I have to admit that my parents provide enough for me to eat and wear, those being my basic necessities. Besides that i am given sum money as weekly pocket money. That is hardly sufficient to spend in school let alone anything else outside. I am in no way complaining that my parents are stingy and do not give me enough. It is just that they give me only what they can afford and i know they have to be very careful not to overspend. Some of my frez do not even get ??? as a pocket money, so i am lucky in a sense. Part time jobs er~i needs u soO much nia.... I realise that if we were to go out and buy everything that we fancy, even a working man's salary would not be enough. So i have learned to be careful about what i buy....but sometimes i also will lost control~lollz..bought some useless things wasted my money..haiz..NOW, my policy is to buy only when it is necessary and if i have the money. Otherwise i forget about what i desire. If i cannot afford it, the chances are i do not need it. Hope i wun becuming a Shopaholic...

I'm the Actress~acting a part____behave differently with different people.

~~SATURDAY___13.08

Well, today quite free, whole day stay at home, no need go to U and how about revision??lollz~after finishd my blogging summre take a nap 1st ba...hehe...need to recharge my body's energy....with this whole morning lets me recalled bck something and i felt myself is an actress~acting a part..

When i am with friends, i feel free and easy. I can say or do almost anything i like without fear of reproach or embarrassment. Do you think so or even agree with what i said at here?? Well~no matter what is your answer..agree or disagree...this is because we understand one another very well. I do not feel shy in front of my friends. None of us feel that he is superior or inferior. We are just friends, doing things we like together, studying together, laughing together, eating together and generally having a good time together. Somemore sometimes i just like a clown infront of my friends esp infront of yuet meng and pei khing them~hahaa....duno why they always laughing on me..am i funny?? Next year i will transfer to PJ continues my degree at there..they told me they will feel bad when im not around them..is that true??hahaa

Friends are wonderful creatures. When i am broke they lend me money. When i am a bit richer, they help me spend my money. After all what are friends for?? They are there to share and enjoy things. So when we are together, we really let ourselves go. In doing so the bonds of our friendship grow stronger. Am i right?? Having good friends is like having treasures rich beyond comparison.

Alas, i cannot behave the same way with my parents. You guys can anot?? My mother is a good and kind person, but she, like most older people, cannot understand why youngsters behave the way we do. Infront of her i have to control my words and actions.I supposed this is what we call ' the generation gap'. So i am a much subdued person in her presence, this things cannot do that things cannot do, nite cannot go out...apalah tu...haiyo...that is what she call having good manners and upbringing. Kids should behave properly according to certain rules. Anyway that is her opinion. I have my own....

If my mother is strict, my father is almost unapproachable. Being brought up in the old school of thought, he is against all things new. He prefers to use a beat-up old petrol-guzzler rather than exchanging it for a modern economical model. Japanese cars are definitely out. The World War 2 is still in his mind, so ANYTHING Japanese is taboo. OLD wounds never heal...hahahaa

When he is around, i have to be in my 'best' behaviour. No nonsense is tolerated. I understand that he had to slog all his life to bring us up. Thrift and Frugality is his motto. He is hard on himself and on us, sometimes unnecessarily so, but i guess he has his reasons. So i bear with him and hope that his rigidity will weaken eventually.

Thus on the whole, i must say that i am quite an actress. All of us are. We have to. Circumstances do not permit us to do as we PLEASE. We have to act in certain ways so as not to disturb the order of things. In short i have to live and let live....

BoredOm~what can i do??

~FRIDAY___22.57

BOREDOM~occurs when one cannot stand not having anythng to do. The body may be at rest but the brain keeps wanting something to hapen or to do....just like me~although today is tiring day for me...but still dun want goin to rest~Apalah u elice...lollz

The first thing i notice about boredom is that it is a peculiar human affliction affecting grown-ups and teenagers. Very young children and other living things do not seem to be bothered by boredom..but why will happend on me??confusing~mayb im too old nia

When my body takes a rest, it is not long before the monkey of a brain starts demanding some activity. It cannot stand activity. So i feels very uncomfortable. Taking it easy and the brain keeps saying how boring it is...lollz...so eventually i goes and do something to satify the demands of my brain.

There is only one way to counteract this affliction. BOREDOM is the condition where i cannot stand doing nothing. In other words, I cannot stand being myself without........this means i does not love myself enough to feel at peace within. So the only way is to learn to LOVE myself again, by willingly giving up my 'busy-ness' and not indulging in unnecessary thinking. That way my brain learns to take a rest too. In time, boredom can thus be eliminated.......

STUDY~~just for to PASS examinations????

~WEDNESDAY____19.45

I agree fully with it~I'm a student and i study just to pass examinations. It seems the same with my friend and my coursemate. We are all only concerned with examinations. We do not study other things that do not require us to sit for examinations.

Reason that i do not study other things is because i have no time for them. I hope after my final exam..i can learn some Musical Instrument like GUITAR~~hehe...now my brain just switch from public speaking to english language to general of Mas Comm and today is Economy...dun mention abt Eco...MY GODNESS~damn worry i will fail for this subject...GOD~PLZ BLESS ME... Since very young i had been taught this: PASSING an exam is good, FAILING is very bad~ My parents, teachers and grown-ups applaud me when i pass...If i fail, im make to feel worthless

No one wants to be considered worthless or be punished for failure, but that is what the world is. So i become obsessed with exam~i study because i dun1 to fail...the only knowledge i acquired in my years of my life is that if i fail i am finished. I have to PASS!!!!....hoping for my ECO can pass too...haiz

PASSING means success in the world ; FAILURE is unspeakable.

What Makes a Happy Life??

TUESDAY____19.54

According to an Eastern tale, a king, who failed to find happiness, sought the advice of his courtiers.The wise ones advised him to wear the shirt of happy man. So, soldiers were sent all over the country to fetch a happy man's shirt. Though the men met many people who had shirts , none of these people was happy. The story concludes that, finally when they managed to find a happy man, it turned out that he had no shirt. The tale, of course is not meant to be taken literally; yet the sagacity it implies is significant.

It is hard to decide what makes a happy life, for me~i cannot agree on a definition of happiness that is acceptable to all. One man's idea of a happy life will be entirely different from another man's and what a third man considers to be a happy life may be acceptable neither to the first nor to the second. Before try to decide what makes a happy life, we have to be quite definite what sort of happiness we aim to achieve.

As the 'LOTUS EATERS' asked ~~~WHY SHOULD LIFE ALL LABOUR BE??? such an attitude may enable one to achieve a certain measure of happiness------all that is needed is that mental capacity to feel contented with one's lot in life, whatever it be.....it may be asked in the face of the harsh realities of life, when insurmountable obstacles choke one's ambitions, when one's cherished hopes and desires burst like bubbles as if by the pin-pricks of a malignant fate, is it humanly possible to feel contented and wrap oneself in happy thoughts?????WELL~~~i do not know; all i am certain is that~~nothing can make your life happy unless you know how to feel happy.........

这是我的选择~你的错误~

SUNDAY___16.33

某某某，我的朋友，对不起!我没想到这样戏剧化的事会发生在我们身上，对不起！

谁都晓得我们的好，虽然我们时常发生口角，但是我们彼此都很小心地珍惜这份友谊。希望你能放下这一切，当发了一场梦吧。。

现在，梦醒了，你也应该清醒过来。。

爱已放弃~

请不要再找我！！！！！！

我路~你路。。。

SATURDAY_____20.17

我站在世界最高的屋顶找不到你的背影，

曾经经过你身边的清风还留恋着你的味道。

我承认，我已跟不上你的脚步，

我们都在繁华与红尘里走散了。

也许我应该变成一片青青草原，

让你走累了的时候躺下来。

然后，当你走后，

我又开始编织另一片芳草。。。